Good Morning, Good Afternoon, and Good Evening!
Gosh it feels like I haven’t written a post in a long time I know I surely missed it, but I’m back and I’m ready to do endless posts for you all!
So this post won’t be a tutorial or a post about one of my makeup looks. This post is going to be about how it all started for me; how I got into the world of makeup and what made it a passion of mines.
So when I was younger I was pretty normal! Running around, playing out side in my neighborhood playing with other kids until it started to get dark out. It was my last year of elementary when I started having issues with my heart that we knew eventually I would need surgery for to fix-giving a years time- after medication wasn’t helping. I believe I was in 6th or 7th grade when I had my first heart surgery and I remembered just sitting there wondering when I can go back to school and see my friends. Two years go by and I’m a freshman in high school… that’s where shit hit the fan. I started to get real sick constantly missing school and One day – I remember this day clearly – I was in art class minding my own business talking to my friends and I just got this pain across my chest that was so uncomfortable and so bad I left school 30 mins after it started. I ended up going to two emergency rooms and being turned away saying that it was bronchitis and I was imagining things or that they didn’t believe me…days later I was told I had a hole in my heart due to my first surgery and I could die from it. So at 15 I ended up getting a second heart surgery and was told about a disorder call fibromyalgia (aka the invisible disease).
After that day and endless months of medication (up to 20 a day) I felt like I was dying. I was out of school because I physically wasn’t able to handle it.. I quickly lost friends and because I wasn’t in school anymore I started experimenting on my hair, literally done every color of the rainbow to try and get me out of the funk I was in… but it didn’t work. It seemed like I was only getting sicker and things just kept piling up for not only myself but for my family as well; I mean stress was endless in my household because of me constantly being sick. People where so confused and didn’t understand why I was sick and honestly I kinda felt the same way. At that rate depression and anxiety hit me like a truck, between loosing ALL the friends I had and loosing that confidence that was built in me and also being put down about how I was imagining my pain… it was horrible for a 15 year old to deal with. I eventually couldn’t handle the inner demons, I wasn’t the same energetic loving person everyone loved. That’s when I started to self harm and see a therapist. I felt like self harm was the easy way out and if I got a vein and bled out I would be okay with it because I hated being in constant pain. During that time period I found a love for YouTube! I was looking for a video on how to do a cat eye and I saw endless videos of beauty gurus and I fell in love. I love the fact that these girls looked so perfect and flawless! I wanted to be like them, but sadly I could handle my demons enough to the point I was Baker acted into the psychiatric ward in a Children’s Hospital for a week because they were all afraid I was going to kill myself. I was so lost and so upset all because of this uncontrollable pain. Weeks go by and medication dies down and I stat to feel a little bit better, I stopped self harming for my family (but am constantly reminded by my scars). Slowly my passion in makeup started to kick in. I was following SOOOOO many beauty gurus and my makeup collection formed! I didn’t know much then about blending and all these big brands but I knew enough to make magic happen on my eyes.
I was still out of school until my junior year, I cut my hair many times and I was officially obsessed with anything of makeup. Any time I got money I spent it on makeup at Sephora or at cvs or Walgreens buying cute brushes. Everyone started to see my love for it and started to see I was forming into my old self. My depression and anxiety kinda sat on the back burner while I was more worried about what color my foundation actually was. Playing with makeup relaxes me in a way the feeling was better than any of the medications doctors gave me… It gave me a sense of bliss and escape. It helped me not think about that migraine I suffer from that didn’t make me eat for days or that pain in my back that practically disabled me in pain. As I got into my junior year is when I really went in on makeup doing different colors on my eyes, trying different colors of lipsticks, and learning how to master a wing. With my growing love of makeup I grew to be better with my health where I came to the point where I was used to the pain and wasn’t feeling horrible like I was 2/3 years back.
My senior year is where I mastered my pain and mastered different makeup looks. Everyone always loved my makeup which made me practice more-meaning I got more things. Every Christmas or birthday there would always be a Sephora gift card(or that one Mac one where I only bought one lipstick 🙂). My health was still on the rocks but it was so much better! And it made me proud and made my family proud of me that I was out of that funk that nearly cost me my life. Although I had people CONSTANTLY put me down or try to tell me how I should handle my health, I slowly got in control of myself. Sadly I didn’t graduate high school but November of 2016 I got my GED! 2016 was in a way my year I mastered my eye makeup/face to getting all my health to be my number one priority, and I fell in love with SFX makeup and doing makeup on other people. Makeup also helped me with my confidence… I never had that because I ALWAYS thought I was the ugly one and that all my friends were all prettier than me. Makeup helped me get this glow to come from within that not everyone has.
Now my makeup collection is growing by the minute and endless looks flow through my brain and my health is getting better day by day. I’m not normal like everyone but that’s okay, because it’s okay to be an odd ball in a world/society like this. Makeup is my escape from the internal pain inside my body and it is also my happiness that brings my glow from within!
Its okay to be lost in your life at some point because you will eventually find yourself and you will find something that you love that will make everything worth it in the end.
I hope you guys got a sense of how it all started for me!